It's been a while!

Im not sure if anyone reads this anymore, but just in case...... its time to update. I am coming to a place in my life where i am no longer sure of my path. There once was a time that I knew I was destined for something great.  Now I am not so sure.  Those younger days of dreaming have faded to the reality of getting older.  I used to just think that things would come to me because of fate.  Now I know that some things need to be pushed along. Too bad it is too late.  Now I am left to watch my friends grow and get married and have families.  I had that opportunity once and I gave it up.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't regret my decisions. I was young and dumb.. However if I hadn't made those decisions where would I be? I wouldn't have my baby. However I may also not be alone.  I wait patiently for the man God intends me to be with but I be losing my faith in that. I have seen so many ex's get married (to the next girl they date) that it makes me wonder if I am the practice wife? lol I know there is someone out there for me but how long do I have to wait? I come across at first meeting as someone totally different than I am, but I don't know how to change that. I wish I could find someone that sees though that. Aside from that i am dealing with an ex husband who wants nothing more than to see me fail.  I am exhausted trying to show him that i am not the girl he knew. Its been 6 years. Get over yourself!!!! You don't know me anymore!!! I am just trying to accept that I am am person that is hard to understand until you spend some time with me.  Although many think that I have no filter and wear my heart on my sleeve, there is so much more to me than that. If only people would take the time.... I can't change me, this is who I am. I am a good, loyal, trustworthy person, But that holds no merit with some. They cannot see into my heart.  I will find what I am looking for someday. I just hope it is soon.....

Now What?

How about an update! Weeeeeeeeee. ok enough with that.  As most of you know I graduated from nursing school last week.  Well now begins the stress of finding a job and taking the NCLEX.  I thought that the NCLEX would be a breeze but now I am not so sure.  I have done poorly on all of the practice tests so far and just dont have the motivation to study. Ugh! Also as most of you know I suffer from Bi-Polar disorder, well Im not suffering as much as annoyed.  Anywho, now that my illness is becoming more and more under control i have a new affliction.  Before I was diagnosed and medicated I was not aware of my behaviors and moods and how they affected the people around me.  Now that things are settling down and I know what to look for I live in constant fear of the downward swing.  I now also know when they are coming. It is terrible, and miserable.  I wish I could just find that happy medium and never have to experience this. I want to be normal.  

As of today!

Life is looking up! 

That is all!!

Now back to Kaplan

Interview From Tracey!

1. How long have you wanted to be a nurse and why do you think you chose this field?
 I have always know that I wanted to do something medical.  There are lots of Dr's in my family.  I actually started college pre-med but didnt realize you actually had to go to class, so I ended up with a 0.5 GPA that semester!  After having my first daughter I decided to go back to school and Nursing seemed like the thing to do.
2. What has been your favorite thing about school so far and the worst?
  My favorite thing so far is either the new people I have met or the hands on things I have gotten to do the worst is the unforgiving nature of the program and the run-around.  
3. If you listed out the charcteristics of a perfect husband what would they be?  What would be the ones that were deal breakers if the guy didn't have and which ones would your cross off to be with someone?

Ooh this is a hard one.  Physically I would want them to look like (well lets face it) Josh.  But I would want them to have a sense of humor, love my kids and love food as much as I do.  I dont want them to be wasteful but I want them to not be a total tight ass with their money either! (I never want to have to call to get permission to buy hotdogs again!!!) Deal breakers would most likely be job related. If they didnt have a real job, car, home of their own, Im out!!! I am a hopeless romantic, so I would like someone who at least make an effort to be romantic once in a while. I am also really affectionate so I would want someone the same. Im sure there are more but I cant think of them right now!
 
4. Talk about a favorite childhood memory.
  When i was growing up we would have sunday bbq's with all of our neighbors. I loved it and always had a great time
5. How do you plan on celebrating graduating this semester? 
  I plan on ignoring my personal oprah as much as i can and just lose my self in school.  I just have to accept that my #1 fan is gone.
talk about how great I am...hahahaha JK
  Tracey is the coolest person in my class!! I wish I could be just like her!!!
The only rules are that you have to link back to the original post and you have to put these rules in your post:"Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions."

Woo Hoo!!

So the semester is finally over!!!!! However, I now am lacking for something to do. By something to do I mean school related. I keep feeling like I am forgetting something major. I am now able to clean my house and workout though. I have started on my mental planning for my closets now I am just waiting for Josh to put a second hanging bar in Abby's closet.  Then I will be off and running. As we speak, the maintenance guy is painting my wall red in my apt, which I think will give it more personality.  I dont really have anything exciting to write about yet. My daughter Maddy will be out here on the 23rd so I am looking for ward to that. Thats about it for now!

Woo Hoo!

A quick note!

So I really dont have time to write anything profound but I just thought I would check in.  I am almost done with school, 8 days!!!! Then a well deserved break. I think Josh will enjoy my break too! I just got back from L.A. which was fun and nice to get away. I somehow managed to be on EXTRA with no makeup which was lovely.  I must get back to studying but here is something to entertain you.